My illness was progressing at a rate that was hard to face by the fall of 2001. I was in a deep depression, and finally came to the point that I had to share with people that I was chronically ill and would never be getting better. I finally felt like I had dropped the mask of being the fake "star" I had been for so long; making lots of money, staying on top of everything, and now I had to rely on other people. I felt raw.