My family is scarred by alcoholism, which caused my mom's early and torturous death indirectly. This is a satirical piece. I decided to go to the object of addiction itself not the addicted. What I found there was an astonishing work of marketing brilliance. If you go look closely at the actual products, you'll see that I've reworded each liquor bottle label using the same "spirit" (pun intended) that they use in their advertising copy. I simply changed the words but kept the enthusiastic pep talk about what enchantment these products could provide. This is making fun of marketing to be sure. But I'm not sure which is the larger vice...one's abuse of alcohol or the "artistic license" used in marketing them.

Inspiration for this piece came from a line from the Brazilian poem "Residue" by

Carlos Drummond de Andrade (1902-1987) –translated by Mark Strand.

And from everything a little remains.

Oh, open the bottles of lotion

and smother

the cruel, unbearable odor of memory.

Sample text Love... What gives our Romance its distinctive craveability is the psychic mellowing process perfected by Love itself. Before our new Romance is stored in barrels to age, it's filtered through ten feet of human psyche culled from hopeless romantics everywhere. Psychic mellowing...drop by drop, makes Love's Romance uncommonly addicting. It hooks more people and takes about twice as long to kick. But we think it's worth it. As our fans say "Every day we drink it, we'll drink it another day."

Sample text Anger: This authentic Irish Classic Emotion is made from the finest quality genes in the heartland of Ireland. A subtle blend of fresh Irish Want and mellow irish Despair produces a memorable emotion and experience. To enjoy it at its best, store for six months or more and when opened, share it with your entire family. Enjoy it straight up, with Depression, or in Solitude.

Sample text Euphoria: The legend began over 100 years ago in New Orleans when it was discovered that this smoothest of spirits could instantly dispel boredom, anguish and despair. Over the years its reputation and popularity spread, establishing it as part of America's need for escape. Today, America's "take it easy drink" is enjoyed straight, on the rocks or mixed with your favorite defense mechanism.

Sample text Depression: Depression is the darkest spirit produced by the human mind. Ever ready to take over in times of stress, this spirit has been passed down for centuries, from generation to generation, and remains as rich and strongly felt today as it was for your great-grandfather. It is best appreciated after a hard day at the office, or maybe when unexpected guests arrive. It's smooth, dark mood is guaranteed to outlast all others.

Next time read the bottle. You'll be amazed at what they get away with!